15 Comments

Hi Bob, great article. I needed to hear that because I may not have ever considered reframing my perspective of people I've known from the past. Valuable advice!

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Thanks Becky, it is a good thing to thing to consider now and then. I have to remind myself of it, because I think the opposite is what comes natural to most people.

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Oct 10, 2023Liked by Bob Olson

Yes, very fortunate indeed! Everyone should have a Melissa to support them as u did. Fantastic that she was able to help u support your book & give another perspective to other people who were supporting their loved ones who were experiencing depression. So happy for the both of u! To hear about a marriage with ups & downs & yet endures & lasts…. I admire u both immensely! 💜

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WOW Bob- u went through a lot!!! I’m so happy for u that u persevered, & recovered ( not sure if that is that right word) from it. So sorry it took so many years for u to find what worked. I would love to read your book, is it still being printed? If so, what is the name of it? Glad u overcame this difficult time, & happy u have Melissa by your side. She sounds like a wonderful person who loves u unconditionally!

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I was very fortunate, Shari, to have Melissa supporting me. She was wonderful. Many spouses leave, but she always said the reason she was able to endure was because I was trying to help myself. If I were in denial of my disorder or not trying to get better, that would have been a very different situation. That said, her commitment and support were blessings, so I had her join me in over 100 radio and TV interviews promoting the book. During call-in shows, she spoke to those who were supporting loved ones while I talked to those who were suffering. We made a great team that offered two unique perspectives.

Unfortunately, the book is no longer being printed (the publisher closed their doors). I don't mind, really, considering it was my first book. My writing was different from what it is today. Nonetheless, the message helped many people back then and began my path as a published author, which has been immensely fulfilling.

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There’s something so genuine, sincere, and pure about your writing. It’s very much appreciated.

I can relate to the stigma that surrounds mental illness, as well as the hurtful comments made by those in ignorance. I have an anxiety disorder. Prior to my diagnosis or proper treatment, I was in an incredibly dark and hopeless state. I had family members telling me to “stop being so lazy,” or “just relax.” I had one “friend” tell another that it was impossible to understand how it could be so hard for me to just do what everyone else did. Although those times were hard, and sometimes I still encounter struggles with anxiety, I can honestly say that it made me a kinder, more resilient person.

It’s funny how everyone interprets life through their own lens. It was a concept that I learned as I grew up. Still, it’s hard to imagine that everyone has an entirely different experience and universe going on in their mind.

I’m happy that you were able to get through those difficult moments. I’m happy you are here now continuing to inspire all of us! Moreover, thank you for reminding everyone that, “... if we talk about what is good in our lives, we tend to attract good events and circumstances in the future.”

💜 Much love,

Maria

P.S I’m sorry I wrote you an essay. LOL

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Hi Maria, personally I love the essay, so I'll begin there. The line you quoted at the end is a good one to live by. It's true that ignorance has a way of hurting deeply. As Jesus said (and I'm not one to quote scripture, but it works here), "They know not what they do." One of the most profound statements I've known in life is the adage that "we don't know what we don't know." Some folks never care to acknowledge that, which is why we tend to grow closer to those who do and steer clear of those who don't. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm certainly glad you're on the better side of that experience and have come through it as the kind and compassionate person I know you to be. Much love back at you.

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Hi Bob-

My comment isn’t so much about people changing or not but about depression itself. I’m sorry that those 5 years were tough on u & Melissa & I’m not sure what kind of help u got, but I’m happy that u were able to help yourself not matter how. I myself haven’t suffered w/ clinical depression & didn’t know much about it, until my sister in law began to suffer w/ it & anxiety about 4-5 years ago. It was so bad she had to take a leave from her job for quite a few months. Many days she found it quite difficult to get out of bed in the morning! Thankfully, w/ the help of a good therapist AND the correct meds( which she was very resistant to take in the beginning) she found her way back to herself - but it took time! I now know that when someone is suffering w/ depression & anxiety that there IS a chemical imbalance going on & just saying to someone, “snap out of it” is inexplicably the absolute wrong thing to say. I hope people will learn from your article & not make these silly judgments of which they know nothing about. U & Melissa did the right thing ( in my opinion) by not talking about it. I’m glad u recovered. Good for u Bob!

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Thanks Shari. You're right in that there's a big difference between clinical depression (chemical imbalance in the brain) and what I call reactive depression (what most people experience in reaction to a loss, breakup, or layoff). It's why I wrote my book in the 90s to educate people about the difference and inspire them to overcome it.

In the course of 5 years, I tried over 15 medications and combinations of them before being labeled "treatment resistant." Upon which I was given 21 shock treatments (electro-convulsive therapy--ECT), which significantly affected my memory. At first, I would get lost if I left the house, having to call Melissa to help me find my way home. Eventually, I would get lost in my own house, not knowing where I was or what I was doing. After that, I began trying medications that had already failed me until one that couldn't work before the ECT was able to work (probably because of it), which I continue to take today.

When I hear someone say they're sorry I went through that, I can't help but to think that my experience (our experience--Melissa's too) was a blessing of sorts that helped to make us who we are today. I would never want to repeat it, but I can view it in hindsight and see how it served us in the long run. And, of course, it was that experience that motivated me to write my first book, becoming the catalyst for sharing my experiences for the benefit of others, which is what I continue to do today. Who knew my destiny was being formed through that challenging, even horrific, experience? Thanks for your kindness, and I'm so happy to hear that your sister-in-law found her way through it.

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About people changing…I have found that as people age they seem to become more like themselves…as though their basic personalities had “hardened”.

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That's an interesting perspective I've never heard. Thank you for that, Ann.

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Wow! Great article!! As a recovering alcoholic of almost 40 yrs I can certainly relate to the secrecy modality. However I have always been an open book & also heard early on that if I didn't mind having people see me make a fool of myself, why would I mind having them know that I was affording myself of the great gift of sobriety!!!

I'm sorry you had to go thru those yrs w/your Father & happy that yo did enjoy the benefit of his sobriety!!

I have learned that sobriety is the only disease we know of that we can keep ourselves in ongoing remission by simply by working a simple program!!

And thank goodness that depression is not the awful stigma it used to be & kados to you & Melissa for being strong enough to hold up together during those five yrs!!!

Them wealth of information you've shared over the yrs is beyond commendable!!! When my son died nearly eight yrs ago your book of "questions" as over & above a bible of sorts in helping me work through it! Thank you both for all that you do!!!!

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Hi Marcy, I sincerely appreciate your comment and heartfelt response. It's interesting to me that my paragraph about my father inspired the first two comments on this article. I added it at the last moment. It seemed appropriate and fitting for what I was trying to convey. I'm glad I felt inspired to add that as an example.

I agree with you about being authentic and open. It's interesting to me that some people have viewed me as a private person, especially considering how much I have revealed about my struggles, stumbles, and foolish errors along the way in my books and articles. Of course, the people who see me as private likely aren't reading my writing.

Forty years! Wow! I'm in awe of that from the perspective of one who experienced it from a different angle. And to sustain it after suffering such an unfathomable loss. I'm sorry that you have known and lived with that loss. To hear that my work helped you in any way is deeply fulfilling, so I'm grateful to you for expressing it. Likewise, your support of what I do is equally helpful to me. Thank you for being you.

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I've been sober for the last 10+ months. This is not the first time I've accomplished this. I say this because I have a very unforgiving relative over the issue of alcohol use. Your article helped me to understand my relative's unforgiveness toward me. As always, thank you, Bob.

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Thank you, Janet. I'm glad it spoke to you and offered a new way of viewing that situation. As I wrote, there are many factors in a person's projections and interpretations of a situation, but often, it might just be that the person needs more time to feel secure. I'm so proud and grateful to my father for remaining sober for his final 12 years of life, so I can't help but express that pride and admiration to you as well for the 10 months you have behind you. I wish you the strength, courage, and divine guidance to continue it. I appreciate your response.

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