Conquering Fear of Death: Unlocking a Secret to Living More Fully

Embracing death as a path toward a more meaningful life.

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of two books, Answers About The Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and creator of the reputable directory of psychics and mediums, BestPsychicDirectory.com.

If you’re enjoying my articles, please click the ❤️ button above so more people can discover it on Substack, thanks! (It really helps.)

Photo by AARN GIGI on Unsplash.

We can alter our lives today simply by learning not to fear death. And by fearing death less, we discover that we live life more fully. Shakespeare comments on this in Julius Caesar: “It seems to me most strange that men should fear; seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.” 

Isn’t it remarkable how this natural transition from one life to another—from our life on earth to our life in spirit—is so feared, yet it is a transition we will all be making? I believe that it is our ignorance of death that makes it so feared. And our ignorance remains because most of us do not acknowledge that death exists. 

Francis Bacon wrote, “Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other.”

What are some of the tales we hear about death? We hear it is dark. We hear it is grim. We hear it is cold… or just the opposite: death is a fiery inferno for those who are sinners! We hear clichés like “as cruel as death,” “as hungry as the grave,” or we associate death with other feared realities, such as in Benjamin Franklin’s famous line, “Nothing in life is certain except death and taxes.” 

Woody Allen spoke about what most of us feel. He said, “It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” We don’t want to be there. We don’t want to die. Most of us don’t even want to think about death. 

About twenty years ago, a long-time friend had recently learned that her aunt was probably going to die of cancer soon. During a stay at this friend’s home, Melissa and I talked with her about everything from the weather to her work and every aspect of her life. Still, she would not talk about her dying aunt. Occasionally, she would tear up and have to walk away to compose herself. We were aware of what weighed on her mind, but she would not talk about the most pressing topic of her thoughts—her aunt’s imminent death—even if we broached the subject.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross tells us that denial is the first stage in dealing with death. Apparently, that is true for both the person dying and the people surrounding the person who is dying. We assume that if we don’t talk about it, then it isn’t real. But we need to talk about death to work through the other four stages. Dr. Kubler-Ross’ five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. 

Our friend’s inability to discuss her aunt’s cancer may have resulted from her parents protecting her from death when she was a child. I don’t mean protecting her from her own death, but rather the death of others. Many parents think they are protecting us from the pain of knowing death by hiding it from us as children, but, in reality, parents prevent us from developing the skills to deal with death when they hide it from us. Instead of allowing us to say goodbye to our dying loved ones, they withhold that gift from us as if we won’t notice, as if we won’t forever crave that privilege. 

I spent 35 years not knowing what to think about death, especially life after death. I was one of those who got frustrated by the subject because it seemed to be a topic that could never be confirmed. By confirmation, I wanted evidence that we continue to exist after death. By evidence, I wanted something concrete I could grab hold of to know that there was no other logical outcome than to believe life goes on. 

Some people hear me speak about life after death and think that I have been one of those naïve believers who has accepted the theories and dogma of others all my life. Yet, my acceptance fell the opposite way. My fear of appearing naïve, of being fooled by some trickster charlatan, used to be so intense that I fell to the cynical side. Max Lerner must have written directly to me when he wrote, “There is no crime in the cynical American calendar more humiliating than to be a sucker.” So, I lived my life, admittedly, as a cynical skeptic. 

Even as a child, I questioned adults for more evidence to support their spiritual teachings. I must have been seven or eight years old when my parents first brought me to Catechism class. It was located at the bottom of a Catholic church. I sat at the long cafeteria-style table with about ten other little boys and girls and raised my hand. 

“Yes, Bobby, do you have a question?” asked the teacher. 

“Well, I just wondered how we know that heaven exists?”

Right then, a little blonde girl who sat diagonally across from me turned to me with a look of contempt that could have melted the metal buttons on my Roy Rogers cowboy shirt.

I hesitated and then continued with my question. “Is there any proof that there’s a heaven?”

The Catechism teacher was kind and patient. I’ll never forget her answer. “Well, Bobby, we know heaven exists because the same God that created the trees, flowers, oceans, birds, plants, mountains, and animals also created a heaven. We know heaven exists because we know God exists.” 

The little blonde girl looked at me again with a spiteful smirk and said, “There, satisfied!” Then she stuck her tongue out at me. 

Of course, I wasn’t satisfied with my teacher’s answer, and I wouldn’t be for almost three decades despite ten more years of Catechism classes. But it wasn’t like I continued to seek answers to my uncertainties all this time. I barely paid attention to what the religious teachers said. I learned from that little blonde girl that I shouldn’t be publicly announcing my doubts. It wasn’t worth the public disdain. So, I only listened enough to get through without getting into trouble. 

Although I was skeptical, it didn’t mean I was narrow-minded. These are two completely different animals. I was always open to new possibilities. I hoped there was more to life and death than I was seeing. Consequently, I explored. I visited psychics, tarot readers, astrologers, and self-proclaimed spiritual practitioners. Still, I never encountered anyone who could satisfy my quest for the evidence I sought.

I’m unsure if I was only led to phony practitioners or if my skepticism prevented me from recognizing genuine practitioners. As Robert M. Pirsig wrote, “The truth knocks on the door, and you say, ‘Go away, I’m looking for the truth,’ and so it goes away.” That might have been me.

I gave birth to a new aspect of myself on January 15, 1999. I just had a book published, and it was exhilarating. However, a couple days after its release, I talked with my father. This was a great deal more exciting because my father had been dead for almost two years. 

This is the day I met my first legitimate medium. It’s rare that we have a single experience that immediately alters the course of our lives. My appointment with this medium was one of those life-changing experiences. It wasn’t just the fact that I left the medium’s home that night with evidence that my father and grandmother, as well as other loved ones who had passed, still existed. And it wasn’t just that I discovered enough evidence to convince me that we live on after we cease to exist on this earthly plane. It was more subtle than that. It was that I had broken through to a new reality that now changed my view of death. 

Death, I’d realized, was neither scary, dark, or cruel. Death is peaceful, light, and joyful. It’s as natural as the changing autumn leaves. The contrast of this realization was so much more than enlightening. It felt right. Perhaps more interestingly, it felt like something I had known but forgotten.

My readers know that this experience opened my mind to new experiences that my cynically skeptical mind would never have considered before this awakening. I experienced past-life regressions, after-death communications, and spirit contact using hypnosis. I talked with people who had near-death experiences and out-of-body experiences. I even had strangers draw portraits of my deceased loved ones, and practitioners communicate with my pets.

What amazed me most was that each new area of research provided additional evidence to verify the existence of life after death rather than discredit it. Despite my skepticism about certain practices, every time I ventured into these new experiences, my findings only paralleled the evidence I’d gained through mediumship.

I have had years to think about why any experience that provides evidence of an afterlife could have such a life-altering effect on me. My conclusion is straightforward. It eliminated my fear of death.

Gladys Hunt, in her book Don’t Be Afraid to Die, says, “Psychiatrists are now saying that death is the most important question of our time and that fear of death festers a variety of psychoses… Some psychiatrists believe a massive panic over death pervades young and old alike in our culture.” 

Isn’t the core of most fears ultimately a fear of death? Indeed, one’s fear of germs and flying in airplanes are related to one's fear of dying. Kubler-Ross says there are only two natural fears: fear of heights and fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned. Children will play with spiders, mice, and snakes until they see someone scream at the sight of one. Some fears are necessary to protect us from harm, but at what point do our fears limit our ability to live? 

Some people never leave their houses due to fear. Others never do anything adventurous. After 9/11, people were traveling less. Traveling less means seeing loved ones less if they live far away. Traveling less means limiting our ability to experience the world and all its treasures. 

What about people who are dying? How does their fear of death limit their remaining months, weeks, or days? Does it limit their remaining life experience due to a fear of accelerating their demise? Does it distract them from their experience with loved ones due to a fearful focus on death? And is it possible that our fear of death negatively affects our ability to heal from life-threatening, although not yet terminal, illnesses and conditions? Although we may never know the answers to these questions, there is no question that people’s fear of death may add to their suffering with a multitude of effects. 

In my experience, discovering that mediums can communicate with the dead proved to me that our consciousness survives death. The transformation that occurred from this awakening resulted in the elimination of my fear that there is nothing beyond death. This insight gave me a new freedom to live, free from the prison of my fears.

I believe that we must think about death rather than deny or ignore it. Acknowledging death and talking about it will make us more likely to investigate it. If we explore death with an open mind, more people will discover that we continue beyond death. If we close our minds to the possibilities, death will remain the end, and our fears will prevail. Yet, if we can see death for what it really is, we will realize that death is a “going home” versus a “going away.” Perhaps John Taylor described it best: "While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.”

Thanks for reading. Please say hello in the comments. Let me know what thoughts and stories come to mind after reading this article.

With love,
Bob

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of two books, Answers About The Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and creator of the reputable directory of psychics and mediums, BestPsychicDirectory.com. His newest venture is Bob Olson Connect, where you can read Bob’s articles before they become books.

PREVIOUS ARTICLES YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED

Transcending Suffering: Stories of serenity in the face of tragedy.

Does My Loved One in Spirit Seek Justice for His Murder? Does my loved one in spirit want me to solve her crime or get vengeance?

The Chain-Smoking, Kitchen-Pacing Spirit Messenger: Fascinating insights gained after discovering a second legitimate medium.

An Afterlife Investigator’s Perspective on God: What the evidence suggests about the Big Guy in the sky.

Five Lessons I Learned About Life By Investigating the Afterlife: My investigation of the afterlife gave me extraordinary insights about life itself.

Will You Wait for Me in Heaven? How to Know if Your Loved One Will Reincarnate Before You Arrive.

The Question of Hell: If there’s an afterlife, does that mean there’s also Hell? What I've learned in my 25-year investigation of life after death about Hell.

The Five Key Factors That Determine How and When We Die: A clear and digestible explanation to a complex question, offering a new level of inner peace around the subject of dying.

Will I See My Pet Again in the Afterlife?: What I discovered in my investigation of the afterlife to establish if pets have souls.

What Happens to the Soul after Miscarriage or Stillbirth: What I learned about the souls of children who pass due to miscarriage or stillbirth.

Was Your Loved One’s Death Painful, Scary, or Dark?: What the evidence reveals about the experience immediately following death.

The Big Question about Suicide: What happens in the afterlife to people who take their own life?