Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

Sage advice from a famous Polish proverb.

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of Answers About The Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and founder of BestPsychicDirectory.com. You’re reading his articles on Bob Olson Connect.

Photo by Becky Phan on Unsplash

My mother’s family is Polish, so I heard specific phrases as a boy that still bounce around in my mind. My Aunt Stella was famous for saying, “Swinia nie człowiek,” which sounded to me like ”Shween on your whoop.” What was funnier than how it sounded was the translation, which was ”Pig, not a man.” She was often referring to her husband, Uncle Les, my father, Bob, her son, Eddie, or her daughter’s husband, Chet. Apparently, from what I gathered from Aunt Stella, all men were sloppy like pigs. It might seem like a harsh thing to tell a boy, but I found it somewhat relieving. If all men are sloppy, I thought, I don’t feel so bad about my sloppiness.

My mother’s and Aunt Stella’s parents emigrated from Poland, so Polish was still spoken in the family. Their parents died by the time my mother was thirteen, so I never met them. However, my grandfather and grandmother both came through in readings with mediums.

Another famous Polish proverb, ”Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy,” translates to “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” It can be taken in different ways, but I prefer to think of this as a reminder not to get pulled into someone else’s nonsensical drama.

Some people will extend this to mean, “Not my problem,” but that’s not how I understand it. “Not my problem” can mean not taking responsibility when it’s due or not extending a helping hand when you can help. One could use that translation selfishly. “I know they’re my kids, but they’re bothering the neighbors, so it’s the neighbors’ problem, not mine.” Or, “I see that person is drowning, but if I stop to help, I will be late to the party.” This version of “not my problem” is probably not the best mindset to live by.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys” is better used to avoid getting caught unnecessarily in other people’s theater. We all know people who can turn just about anything into drama. Everything tends to have a sense of urgency and intensity. Events tend to be exaggerated. They use a lot of exclamation marks in their communications, as well as words like “extremely,” “awfully,” or even “very, very, very.”

I once had a therapist who admitted that he never returned “crisis” calls until two hours after they left a message. He said that 99 percent of the issues had been resolved within two hours. He said it was better for the client if they worked out their problems on their own, and giving them a distance of two hours usually accomplished that.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys” is such a popular phrase that Amazon sells shirts, mugs, pillows, keychains, dish towels, and signs with the proverb printed on them. Unless you’re the type who likes to rescue or fix others to gain self-esteem, you’ve recognized the peace of mind that comes with creating distance between you and other people’s drama. And having a refrigerator magnet or bracelet with “Not my circus, not my monkeys” printed on it is a helpful reminder not to get involved when it’s not your place.

If your dog is next door chasing your neighbor’s chickens, you’d better run out of the house to help. If your friend’s children are arguing over which shade of Crayon is best for painting a green flower stem, letting them work it out might be your best move. If your husband is about to saw down your neighbor’s pine tree because it keeps covering your pool with pine needles, you might want to get involved. But if your sister can’t believe how “extremely” insensitive your brother was by not showing up for her birthday party, you might want to find a way out of that conversation. After all, you showed up to the party.

If we go to the circus, we’re there for the entertainment. If the monkeys begin fighting, it’s not for the audience members to jump onstage to referee. We let the ringmaster take care of it. Peace of mind comes from recognizing when it’s our place to get involved and when it’s our place to let others work out their dramas. Said another way, when it’s not your role to be the ringmaster, be the audience.

I also grew up with the Polish proverb “Nie wywołuj wilka z lasu,” translated as “Don’t call a wolf out of the forest.” This is another way of saying don’t stir up trouble for no reason, or as we often hear in English, “Let sleeping dogs lie.” Both are referring to the idea that it’s better to mind your own business, perhaps extending to keeping your opinions to yourself. This is reiterated in Proverbs 26:17, where we learn that “He that passes by and meddles with the strife belonging not to him, is like one that takes a dog by the ears.”

Today’s article has been written with brevity for impact. As you go throughout your day and week, see how many times you can apply “Not my circus, not my monkeys” to your favor. Feel the sense of peace it offers. Lean back and smile, knowing that you’re sitting in the audience amidst the arena of life, and before you is a circus of characters that can either entertain or distress you. It’s your choice.

Thanks for reading my article. I’d love to hear from you in the comments how this spoke to you.

With love,
Bob

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of Answers About The Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and creator of the top directory of psychics, mediums, and animal communicators, BestPsychicDirectory.com. This is Bob Olson Connect, where you can read Bob’s articles before they become books.

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