My son, Ben, passed by suicide at the age of 17 years old in 2002...following a year of an acute onset of mental illness. Prior to his illness, he was a delightful soul who made friends easily. His illness brought on someone I didn’t recognize and he became haunted, psychotic and dangerous. He heard voices. He took his life mere weeks after spending over 2 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. I found him. Needless to say, his illness & passing were pivotal in my life. Soon after he passed, he visited me in a dream. He was peaceful, serene - beautiful. My point in writing this comment is that suicide is so misunderstood. Those who pass by suicide are just like those who pass from cancer, a car accident or any other means. If Ben had taken his life at the start of his illness, I might have looked for “simple” causes, such as the breakup with a girlfriend etc. I wouldn’t have thought it was from mental illness. Years after Ben’s passing, I spoke with a medium that explained that my son’s death was actually heroic. He could have hurt other people while in his diseased state of mind. His soul did not want that karma - that wasn’t what his soul purpose intended - and, like a soldier jumping on a grenade to protect those around him, Ben took his life.
Even the word “commit”, as in, “committed suicide” is from a time when suicide was against the law and the surviving family members were punished and shamed in its aftermath. People don’t “commit cancer”. Murder is a crime committed against another person. Suicide is the only type of death where “committed” is used. Another word used with suicide is “sin”. A family member’s minister preached that Ben’s death was a “sin”. Such declarations heap more shame & despair on surviving family members and friends.
Dying by suicide, I posit, is the same as dying from a disease. Sometimes it can be an impulsive thought. I had a friend who explained her impulsive thoughts this way: she described a time when her computer malfunctioned. Her first thought was, “well, I better kill myself”. That’s not a normal thought process for most of us. But that was what plagued my friend. In the frenzy of her impulse, she never thought of how her passing would affect her family & friends. Suicide was an invasive thought. Because she had survived previous attempts, she took protective measures to hide instruments of harm so that she had time to get past those initial, harmful thoughts. I have heard so many suicide stories from working in suicide awareness and outreach. Suicide is shocking and, often, unexpected because we don’t understand the human brain well enough to diagnose early enough - or cure, once found.
All souls reflect on their lives and lessons when they pass. Those who die by suicide are no different - or worse.
Hi Mary Lynn, loss from suicide is an unfathomable experience with its own set of suffering and challenges. You mention a few of them. I'm so sorry that you have known this type of loss with you son, Ben. It's clear you've learned a lot and have come away with deep insights that might benefit others. Thank you for sharing your story and the meaningful conclusions you've drawn from your own experience.
Sending much gratitude to you for this heartfelt and reassuring piece. As a Buddhist, I have always been concerned about the idea expounded by many Buddhist sects that the karmic implications of suicide are most often very dire – with rebirth in a lower, sorrowful realm (hungry ghost realm or hell realm) lasting for an unfathomable length of time in some cases – i.e. trillions or even quadrillions of years, before being reborn again in another of the traditional six realms of existence – hell, hungry ghost, animal, human, Titans, Deva. Wondering if you have spent any time exploring the Buddhist views on the subject? Many in the Tibetan tradition view suicide as a terrible waste of a (very) rare human birth and many of those Tibetan Masters have sat in meditation for tens of thousands of hours.
As a follow-on, I wondered what your experience of transmigration may have been. Put another way, have you come across any examples of people recalling past lives in other species or on other planes of existence - be they animal, plant or any other?
Hi Bruce, you always have thought-provoking questions. I would never claim to be an expert in any religion or spiritual belief system. I do think it's important that my audience be reminded that my investigation is focused on the evidence and the conclusions that can be drawn from that evidence, which is as separate from religion as science. I would venture to say that my personal investigation of the afterlife fits somewhere between spirituality and science. That said, I've had many discussions with people of all faiths, including Buddhists.
In my perspective, religions are man-made--meaning the texts that people use as guidelines for each religion have been written by human beings--so the language used is the result of people trying to make sense of spiritual concepts that, in my opinion, our human brains are ill-equipped to fully comprehend. In many cases, the authors did as good a job explaining the unexplainable as they could. Yet, this is the limitation we're dealing with. Case in point, how do we explain in words concepts such as infinite, eternal, and timelessness? How do we fathom being an energy being of light that can be in multiple locations at once? How do we possibly understand that what happened in a past life is happening simultaneously with the present and future? Hence, the limitations of our religious teachings.
For these reasons, I rely upon my own knowing, which comes from my personal experiences (regressions, hypnotic spirit contact, dreams, spontaneous insights, even readings in some cases) versus my beliefs, which come from the vicarious experiences of others (books, lectures, and documentaries).
Human beings who teach about the afterlife are also motivated by a fear of letting anyone off the hook (aka, giving people permission to take their own life). Man has been known to create religious doctrine to control the masses, and this is never more evident than in reading doctrine related to suicide. My experience, however, has been that my teachings about suicide and the afterlife have motivated people contemplating suicide to choose life. This is based on emails and comments I've received over the last 20-plus years, and while we could have a long discussion on the special circumstances of those who are watching videos or reading articles in contemplation of suicide, this is my experience.
I don't know that I've answered your question, Bruce, but I imagine I've given you more food for thought. As to your second question, what I can tell you is that my work has led me to believe that our souls experience lifetimes in many forms (animal, plant, amoeba, etc.) and in many locations (planets and planes of existence) virtually unknown to those of us on earth. Thanks for stirring my brain cells this morning. I wish you health, joy and abundance.
Hi Bruce, I want to acknowledge your questions (on both articles) and let you know I'm letting them bounce around between my ears before I respond. I'll come back to these soon.
Hi Glynis, I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. I'm pleased this article was helpful to you. Your question is best answered by understanding the difference between spirit and soul, which I'll provide a link below to an article that explains this. More to the point, however, since it's your spirit that is returning home, it will be people from this lifetime who will greet you. As you'll read in the article linked below, every lifetime is a different spirit--it is the soul that is sharing lifetimes. Consequently, it will be your mom, dad, and spouse/lover from this lifetime who will be there to greet you when you pass. Here's that article: https://bobolsonconnect.com/p/will-you-wait-for-me-in-heaven-how - Great question, thank you.
Thank you Bob. Clearly written as always. About 50 yrs ago now, I asked my pastor about what happens to our soul if we murder ourself or another or have an abortion. His answer shocked me at the time but helped shape my thoughts and beliefs every since. There's no need to spell out his answer because it was exactly what you are saying here. That was the Church of Religious Science. Not to be confused with Christian Science. Blessings!
Hi Sharon, I'm sure pleased to learn that a pastor offered similar information. I've heard the opposite story much too often from many people over the years. He sounds like a special human being, especially considering it was 50 years ago. Of course, you chose him as your pastor, so special human beings tend to attract other special human beings into their lives. Thank you for sharing this with me. I always feel a little lighter when I hear such uplifting stories. 😁
The hurt and sadness when my brother took his life and his young daughter found him - caused a multitude of sorrowful feelings for our family! When I was asked to do his eulogy - I found the words to be able to comfort the family - especially his Son and Daughter!! Looking back to that year - 1988 - fills me with so many of your comments Bob and your insight!! How I appreciate you and this article!! Peace to you as you continue to share with us your wisdom!!
Thank you Rosanne. 1988 was when my suicidal thoughts were peaking so loudly that I was beginning to realize something was amiss. I sought help the following year. I'm so sorry for your loss and the pile-up of sorrow that follows suicide, like your brother's daughter finding him. It took great courage and compassion in the midst of your own grief and suicide-related feelings to have given the eulogy. What a gift you gave your brother and family. I'm glad my article spoke to you in the way it was intended, and it means a lot that you shared with me.
Thank you Bob - your reassurance will help many who've lost a loved one to suicide. I can understand that when someone find themselves in an untenable position with no apparent solution, they might see suicide as the only way out. However why some do it in really gruesome ways, I can't imagine. Thank God (literally) there is no judgment.
Hi Sue, you're welcome. As I wrote, irrational thinking leads to irrational choices. I do think there's an anger, often anger at oneself, that unconsciously gets translated in a gruesome way, sometimes it seems as if to punish the self for feeling the way they feel. Other times, it appears the person is trying to punish others for the suffering they feel. The possibilities are, of course, endless. Regardless, it's always sad and tragic for everyone, which is why this is such an important topic for discussion, research, and understanding.
My son, Ben, passed by suicide at the age of 17 years old in 2002...following a year of an acute onset of mental illness. Prior to his illness, he was a delightful soul who made friends easily. His illness brought on someone I didn’t recognize and he became haunted, psychotic and dangerous. He heard voices. He took his life mere weeks after spending over 2 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. I found him. Needless to say, his illness & passing were pivotal in my life. Soon after he passed, he visited me in a dream. He was peaceful, serene - beautiful. My point in writing this comment is that suicide is so misunderstood. Those who pass by suicide are just like those who pass from cancer, a car accident or any other means. If Ben had taken his life at the start of his illness, I might have looked for “simple” causes, such as the breakup with a girlfriend etc. I wouldn’t have thought it was from mental illness. Years after Ben’s passing, I spoke with a medium that explained that my son’s death was actually heroic. He could have hurt other people while in his diseased state of mind. His soul did not want that karma - that wasn’t what his soul purpose intended - and, like a soldier jumping on a grenade to protect those around him, Ben took his life.
Even the word “commit”, as in, “committed suicide” is from a time when suicide was against the law and the surviving family members were punished and shamed in its aftermath. People don’t “commit cancer”. Murder is a crime committed against another person. Suicide is the only type of death where “committed” is used. Another word used with suicide is “sin”. A family member’s minister preached that Ben’s death was a “sin”. Such declarations heap more shame & despair on surviving family members and friends.
Dying by suicide, I posit, is the same as dying from a disease. Sometimes it can be an impulsive thought. I had a friend who explained her impulsive thoughts this way: she described a time when her computer malfunctioned. Her first thought was, “well, I better kill myself”. That’s not a normal thought process for most of us. But that was what plagued my friend. In the frenzy of her impulse, she never thought of how her passing would affect her family & friends. Suicide was an invasive thought. Because she had survived previous attempts, she took protective measures to hide instruments of harm so that she had time to get past those initial, harmful thoughts. I have heard so many suicide stories from working in suicide awareness and outreach. Suicide is shocking and, often, unexpected because we don’t understand the human brain well enough to diagnose early enough - or cure, once found.
All souls reflect on their lives and lessons when they pass. Those who die by suicide are no different - or worse.
These are my experiences and observations -
Hi Mary Lynn, loss from suicide is an unfathomable experience with its own set of suffering and challenges. You mention a few of them. I'm so sorry that you have known this type of loss with you son, Ben. It's clear you've learned a lot and have come away with deep insights that might benefit others. Thank you for sharing your story and the meaningful conclusions you've drawn from your own experience.
Dear Bob,
Sending much gratitude to you for this heartfelt and reassuring piece. As a Buddhist, I have always been concerned about the idea expounded by many Buddhist sects that the karmic implications of suicide are most often very dire – with rebirth in a lower, sorrowful realm (hungry ghost realm or hell realm) lasting for an unfathomable length of time in some cases – i.e. trillions or even quadrillions of years, before being reborn again in another of the traditional six realms of existence – hell, hungry ghost, animal, human, Titans, Deva. Wondering if you have spent any time exploring the Buddhist views on the subject? Many in the Tibetan tradition view suicide as a terrible waste of a (very) rare human birth and many of those Tibetan Masters have sat in meditation for tens of thousands of hours.
As a follow-on, I wondered what your experience of transmigration may have been. Put another way, have you come across any examples of people recalling past lives in other species or on other planes of existence - be they animal, plant or any other?
Would greatly appreciate your thoughts.
Thank you again!
Bruce
Hi Bruce, you always have thought-provoking questions. I would never claim to be an expert in any religion or spiritual belief system. I do think it's important that my audience be reminded that my investigation is focused on the evidence and the conclusions that can be drawn from that evidence, which is as separate from religion as science. I would venture to say that my personal investigation of the afterlife fits somewhere between spirituality and science. That said, I've had many discussions with people of all faiths, including Buddhists.
In my perspective, religions are man-made--meaning the texts that people use as guidelines for each religion have been written by human beings--so the language used is the result of people trying to make sense of spiritual concepts that, in my opinion, our human brains are ill-equipped to fully comprehend. In many cases, the authors did as good a job explaining the unexplainable as they could. Yet, this is the limitation we're dealing with. Case in point, how do we explain in words concepts such as infinite, eternal, and timelessness? How do we fathom being an energy being of light that can be in multiple locations at once? How do we possibly understand that what happened in a past life is happening simultaneously with the present and future? Hence, the limitations of our religious teachings.
For these reasons, I rely upon my own knowing, which comes from my personal experiences (regressions, hypnotic spirit contact, dreams, spontaneous insights, even readings in some cases) versus my beliefs, which come from the vicarious experiences of others (books, lectures, and documentaries).
Human beings who teach about the afterlife are also motivated by a fear of letting anyone off the hook (aka, giving people permission to take their own life). Man has been known to create religious doctrine to control the masses, and this is never more evident than in reading doctrine related to suicide. My experience, however, has been that my teachings about suicide and the afterlife have motivated people contemplating suicide to choose life. This is based on emails and comments I've received over the last 20-plus years, and while we could have a long discussion on the special circumstances of those who are watching videos or reading articles in contemplation of suicide, this is my experience.
I don't know that I've answered your question, Bruce, but I imagine I've given you more food for thought. As to your second question, what I can tell you is that my work has led me to believe that our souls experience lifetimes in many forms (animal, plant, amoeba, etc.) and in many locations (planets and planes of existence) virtually unknown to those of us on earth. Thanks for stirring my brain cells this morning. I wish you health, joy and abundance.
Hi Bruce, I want to acknowledge your questions (on both articles) and let you know I'm letting them bounce around between my ears before I respond. I'll come back to these soon.
Wonderful article. I had a cousin commit suicide. It's nice to read all of this and know he's OK over there.
>>over the course of our many human lives
If we live many human lives, when I go home to the spirit world, which mom, which dad, and which spouse or lover will greet me? From which life?
Thank you.
Hi Glynis, I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. I'm pleased this article was helpful to you. Your question is best answered by understanding the difference between spirit and soul, which I'll provide a link below to an article that explains this. More to the point, however, since it's your spirit that is returning home, it will be people from this lifetime who will greet you. As you'll read in the article linked below, every lifetime is a different spirit--it is the soul that is sharing lifetimes. Consequently, it will be your mom, dad, and spouse/lover from this lifetime who will be there to greet you when you pass. Here's that article: https://bobolsonconnect.com/p/will-you-wait-for-me-in-heaven-how - Great question, thank you.
Thank you Bob. Clearly written as always. About 50 yrs ago now, I asked my pastor about what happens to our soul if we murder ourself or another or have an abortion. His answer shocked me at the time but helped shape my thoughts and beliefs every since. There's no need to spell out his answer because it was exactly what you are saying here. That was the Church of Religious Science. Not to be confused with Christian Science. Blessings!
Hi Sharon, I'm sure pleased to learn that a pastor offered similar information. I've heard the opposite story much too often from many people over the years. He sounds like a special human being, especially considering it was 50 years ago. Of course, you chose him as your pastor, so special human beings tend to attract other special human beings into their lives. Thank you for sharing this with me. I always feel a little lighter when I hear such uplifting stories. 😁
Such a comforting, well-crafted article that will help so many, I'm sure. This is such a good blog to bookmark to share with others... thank you, Bob.
Hi Cheryl. I'm pleased that you think so. I sincerely appreciate your comment.
The hurt and sadness when my brother took his life and his young daughter found him - caused a multitude of sorrowful feelings for our family! When I was asked to do his eulogy - I found the words to be able to comfort the family - especially his Son and Daughter!! Looking back to that year - 1988 - fills me with so many of your comments Bob and your insight!! How I appreciate you and this article!! Peace to you as you continue to share with us your wisdom!!
Rosanne Taylor
Thank you Rosanne. 1988 was when my suicidal thoughts were peaking so loudly that I was beginning to realize something was amiss. I sought help the following year. I'm so sorry for your loss and the pile-up of sorrow that follows suicide, like your brother's daughter finding him. It took great courage and compassion in the midst of your own grief and suicide-related feelings to have given the eulogy. What a gift you gave your brother and family. I'm glad my article spoke to you in the way it was intended, and it means a lot that you shared with me.
Thank you Bob - your reassurance will help many who've lost a loved one to suicide. I can understand that when someone find themselves in an untenable position with no apparent solution, they might see suicide as the only way out. However why some do it in really gruesome ways, I can't imagine. Thank God (literally) there is no judgment.
Hi Sue, you're welcome. As I wrote, irrational thinking leads to irrational choices. I do think there's an anger, often anger at oneself, that unconsciously gets translated in a gruesome way, sometimes it seems as if to punish the self for feeling the way they feel. Other times, it appears the person is trying to punish others for the suffering they feel. The possibilities are, of course, endless. Regardless, it's always sad and tragic for everyone, which is why this is such an important topic for discussion, research, and understanding.
As usual, your insights and the way you share them continue to amaze me. So well written and with compassion and awareness. Thank you.
Hi Karen, that really means a lot to me. Thank you for saying it.