Why Your Deceased Loved One Didn’t Come Through in Your Reading

Four Factors to Consider When Spirits Don’t Come Through to Mediums

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

It doesn’t happen often, but it causes a lot of disappointment and confusion when it does. Because you’re grieving the loss of a loved one, you decide to get a reading with a medium. So you make the appointment, wait a month for the date, and finally get your reading. But the person in spirit you most wanted to hear from doesn’t show up. What does this mean? Is your loved one lost between worlds? Did she reincarnate? Is it too soon after he died?

Unfortunately, mediums cannot summon whatever spirit they choose, so they have no control over who shows up for a reading. Still, 95 percent of the time, at least, the loved one with whom you hope to communicate will come through. So what does it mean for that small percentage of readings where they don’t show up?

This is one of those situations where there’s more than one possible reason. I’m going to offer you four factors to consider when spirits don’t show up in readings with mediums, and I’ll address those pressing questions I added above at the end of the first paragraph.

One: The Most Important Messages Are the Priority

If you have never been to a medium before and you might never go again, spirits only have this single opportunity to communicate with you. Consequently, those in spirit, including your spirit guides, are going to get the most important messages through first. Sometimes this means that the person you most want to hear from doesn’t come through.

For example, even though you might want to communicate with your recently deceased mother, it might be more important that your friend comes through to tell you he doesn’t blame you for the car accident that killed him when you were teenagers, especially if you were driving. Or it might be more important that your stepfather comes through to request your forgiveness for being abusive or forgive you for something you did or said before he passed. Or it might even be more important that your neighbor’s grandmother comes through asking you to tell your neighbor that her grandmother is alive in spirit.

Not that we have any choice, but we must trust that spirit knows what’s most imperative. Even though you might prefer to hear from your recently deceased mother more than your high school friend, your friend’s message might be more important for your peace of mind or spiritual growth.

In the same way, while some people aren’t pleased about paying for a reading where their neighbor, friend, or relative gets a message, a spirit might know that your friend is never going to get a reading, so they employ you as their messenger to deliver an important message. Feel good about this opportunity to help another and know that you can always get another reading. What the spirit is saying in this situation is that they know that you are strong enough to work through your grief if your reading is briefly cut short for another’s benefit, or they know that you’ll be back for another reading in the future.

It’s a rare occurrence when you get more messages for another than you get for yourself. This generally only happens at medium demonstrations (live events) when the medium is only giving ten-minute readings to audience members. Even then, this doesn’t happen frequently.

This is one reason I recommend people get a one-hour reading versus a half-hour reading. Obviously, if you have more time, it’s more likely that you’ll hear from the person that you want because the most important messages can come first and there’ll still be time for the loved one you’re seeking to come through if he or she didn’t show up immediately.

Two: Length of Time in the Afterlife Isn’t a Factor

Some people believe that our loved ones in spirit need time to reintegrate into the afterlife before they’ll show up to a reading, especially in the case of suicide, murder, or sudden death. Yet I’ve witnessed readings where people who have taken their own life, been murdered, or died suddenly showed up during a reading just hours or days after their death.

Some mediums say it’s common that our loved ones who have been in spirit for a longer time help bring through those who have recently passed. Sometimes we might not even know about this assistance during a reading, but it does happen. But don’t worry if no one else in your family has passed prior to your loved one in spirit as distant relatives, spirit guides, and spirits this person knew before they were born are always there to welcome them back home into the spirit world and help them communicate with their surviving loved ones here on the earth plane.

I don’t believe time has anything to do with one spirit helping another spirit to communicate with us humans. I believe that some spirits are just better at communicating with us than others. So when a grandfather helps his recently deceased grandson communicate with the boy’s mother, it might not be because the grandfather has been in spirit longer. It’s more likely that the grandfather is just better at this type of communication. He probably helps people who have been in spirit longer than him as well.

Three: Your Mental or Emotional State of Mind Matters

It’s rare that the loved one you most want to hear from doesn’t show up at your reading, so there is always a good reason for it when it happens. Sometimes it has more to do with what’s going on with you than it does them. Your mental and emotional state of mind can affect your reading.

For example, I know a woman who called a medium to make a reading appointment. When the medium answered the phone to schedule the appointment, the woman’s deceased mother immediately made contact and began giving the medium messages. The connection was strong, and the messages were loud and clear. However, the medium didn’t have time to give the reading at that moment, so they made the appointment for the next day.

The woman was so nervous about her reading that she drank a bottle of wine that evening. The next day, when she showed up at the reading with a hangover, the medium was negatively affected by the woman’s depleted energy. He said that while the woman’s mother was coming through, the connection was foggy and faint—a distinct contrast from the day before. As a result, the reading was less than satisfying for the woman, and she was entirely responsible for it. It had absolutely nothing to do with her mother and everything to do with her own state of mind.

Spirit communication through a medium is a three-way conversation. All three parties—the sitter (client), the medium, and the spirit—affect the reading. If the sitter or the medium arrives with their energy low, the reading won’t be as good as when everyone’s energy is high.

Be conscious to avoid negatively affecting your energy prior to a reading due to alcohol, drugs, stress, an argument, lack of sleep, too much exercise, or too many concerns weighing on your mind. You’re expected to be nervous if this is your first reading, but nervous energy isn’t necessarily low energy unless you try to suppress it with drugs or alcohol. Just allow your nervousness to play out as enthusiasm and be optimistic and playful during the reading. The spirit-to-medium connection will likely be better as a result.

At the same time, don’t book a reading if your grief is such that you are in a desperate state of mind. Desperation is a lower-energy emotion. If you’re feeling fraught with despair or overly anxious about contacting your departed loved one, it might be best to see a grief counselor first. If your loved ones in spirit don’t think you can manage the messages in a healthy manner, they might choose to not come through for your sake. Plus it can be really distracting for a medium if you’re sobbing uncontrollably while she’s trying to communicate with your loved ones. This can disrupt the medium from giving her best reading because she’s so concerned about you.

Four: Mediums Are People Too

Having covered all these bases, it’s also true that mediums have bad days, just like the rest of us. They too get stressed, depressed, and tired. If the medium was able to get clear messages from one or two relatives but not from the person in spirit whom you wanted, then this is probably not the issue. But if none of the messages seemed accurate or there were a few minor hits but a lot more misses, it’s possible that the medium was having an off day.

In this case, always let the medium know early in the reading that the messages are not making sense. This way, the medium can stop the reading and book it for another day. Don’t wait until the reading is over before you say something. That’s not fair to the medium, and it’s not fair to you.

I’m a major advocate for mediums, as you know, but I’ll also be the first to admit they don’t always get it right. I’m aware of a few inexperienced mediums who have misinterpreted a spirit not showing up in a reading. One medium told a client that the spirit had reincarnated. If you read my article on soul vs. spirit, you’ll know why that’s not true. Another medium said it was too soon after the person’s death, so the spirit was unable to show up for the reading. I’ll write a future article on why that’s not accurate either. Or worse (the most harmful interpretation I’ve heard), the medium tells you that your loved one is stuck between the physical world and the spiritual world (or doesn’t know he’s dead)—another false belief that has no basis in fact or logic. (If you’ve been told this one, watch my Afterlife TV episode on this subject.)

These examples demonstrate that mediums don’t always know why spirits don’t show up for a reading, so they occasionally make errors in interpretation. I guess they just needed to read this article. My point being that mediums are people too and can misinterpret events just like the rest of us, which is why it’s so empowering that you are educating yourself by reading my articles.

Final Thoughts

Always keep in mind that regardless of what happens or doesn’t happen at your reading, there will be future opportunities for other readings. Too many people put so much pressure on the reading as if they’ll never get another chance to connect with their loved ones. Yet this just isn’t true.

There will be other chances. If you want to connect with your loved one in spirit, you’ll have another opportunity if it’s a priority in your life. And don’t forget that you are always connected to your loved ones. You don’t need a medium present in order to communicate with them. Sometimes you just need to trust in your own ability to recognize the signs that are all around you. Some people call this faith. If you have faith and a little patience, you’ll eventually connect with your loved one in spirit in some way: through a medium, in a dream, via an after-death communication (ADC), or maybe even during meditation.

Happy Fourth of July if you live in the USA or Happy Tuesday if you live in another country. I look forward to hearing from you in the comments.

With love,
Bob

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of two books, Answers About The Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and creator of the directory of psychics and mediums, BestPsychicDirectory.com. His latest venture is Bob Olson Connect, where you can read Bob’s articles before they become books.

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