Don’t Go It Alone: The Power of Asking for Help

Reflecting on the hidden strength of seeking and giving assistance in life.

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of Answers About The Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and founder of BestPsychicDirectory.com. You’re reading his articles on Bob Olson Connect.

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been sharing a book I wrote for my niece and nephew for graduation about my twelve secrets for a joyful, successful, and fulfilling life. I gave you the first secret of life, which was all about passion. I also gave you the second secret about developing a sense of purpose. Today, the third secret is about asking for help in life.

Even when I created this simple book for my niece and nephew, the adult family members who read it commented on how helpful these secrets were to them. And again, over the past couple of weeks, I have received many thoughtful emails and comments in response to these articles. Even though these were written for younger people graduating from high school and college, these pieces have allowed many of you to reflect on these meaningful subjects in your own lives. It’s fun and valuable to look back at our lives to see how we applied these “secrets” to make us who we are today.

At the end of each article, I’ve written questions that I have asked myself about each secret. We can learn a lot about ourselves by taking the time to consider them. Here’s the third secret.

Secret #3: Ask for Help

"If you don't ask, you don't get."
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Nobody was meant to embark upon life alone. We live in a society of human beings, and within this sea of souls is an unlimited abundance of knowledge and experience on how to create the life of your dreams. All you have to do is ask for help. To live a joyful, successful, and fulfilling life, the third secret of success is to accept the assistance of others.

Many people never ask for help. They either fear rejection or view their need for help as a weakness. The irony is that people love to give help. It gives them fulfillment and a little ego boost. It’s a compliment when you respect someone’s knowledge and experience enough to ask for their guidance or assistance. And people respect others who are wise enough to ask for it.

Another old saying goes, “It’s not what you know but who you know that matters.” This is because you can’t possibly know everything, but you always have access to people who know what you need to know. Therefore, you have unlimited knowledge if you’re willing to ask others for help.

Of course, that old saying also refers to the value of networking—having connections. If you ask for help, you’ll be amazed at how far people, even strangers, will go in their efforts to help you. Often, that help will occur through someone they know who perhaps owes them a favor. Will people use up a favor for you even if they don’t know you? You’d better believe it. People like helping other people, and all you usually have to do in return is promise to help someone else who might come along in your life someday, needing your knowledge, experience, or connections.

"From the beginning of time, those who became leaders were not necessarily the strongest or fiercest... but those with the most friends or connections."
~ William F. Allman

I’ve taught people I don’t even know about writing, overcoming depression, marketing, and grief healing. Many of these people simply called me on the telephone, expressing a need for help. Even though they were the people getting assistance, I was the one getting satisfaction. I went to bed those nights feeling like I helped someone that day.

When I graduated from college, a man took me under his wing and taught me how to be a private eye and run a successful private investigation agency. I had asked my friend’s father, an attorney, for advice, and he introduced me to this man. With one simple request for help, I walked out of college and into a rewarding career.

After a five-year illness in the early 1990s, I was out of work for four years. I couldn’t wait to work again when I got better, but my resume had a large gaping hole. Career counselors told me I should ease back into the workforce by taking a menial job that paid minimum wage. Instead, I asked a lawyer I had done investigations for in the past for his help. He gave me a job on the spot doing investigations for his firm with a bigger salary than I had ever made, and I hardly knew the man.

What I find most exciting about this truth is that people are always willing to help. You can introduce yourself to anyone in the world, and suddenly, you know that person. You’d be surprised how easy it is to make a connection with anyone you wish to meet. The Internet makes contacting authors, celebrities, politicians, and CEOs easier than ever. There are very few people outside your reach. As a private investigator, I learned I could find almost anyone, even if they tried to hide. The good news is that most people are not hiding. Most people you might want to meet will welcome the opportunity to meet someone like you.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is holding back from asking for help to accomplish your dreams, desires, and life vision. Asking makes our achievements manifest easier, faster, and with more pleasure. People who have done what you want to do already know the best route to success. They have made the mistakes, worked out the knots, and discovered the quickest pathways. Their minds are a manual for expeditious achievement, yet few people ask them for assistance.

If you run into that rare and grumpy person who isn’t the helpful type, move on. They might be too busy, too overwhelmed, or too fearful to lend a hand. Chances are their refusal to assist you has everything to do with what’s going on in their life and has nothing to do with you. Say to yourself, “Next!” Then, move on and ask someone else.

One last thought about asking for help. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, most people believe in a higher power or spiritual guide who watches over and guides them. If you believe in such guidance, asking for assistance in this way is helpful. The Universe will provide miraculous aid if you ask for it, but you must ask. Just tell whomever you believe in or pray to exactly what you want, precisely what assistance you need, and soon, the coincidences and miracles will begin to create a path for you.

One added note when working with your spiritual team: if you remember to write down everything you’re grateful for each day, the assistance you’ll get will expand considerably. Making a Gratitude List is one of the most magical exercises in the metaphysical world. Gratitude boosts your aura one hundredfold, exponentially magnifying your power of influence.

What Have You Learned About Your Life?

The first question we can ask ourselves is whether we were taught that it’s okay to ask for help. I got mixed messages in this regard from my parents. Sometimes, they encouraged me to ask for help. Other times, they suggested I should not bother other people for my gain. I grew up believing that some people are too busy and important to help “someone like me.” The “someone like me” came from my parents’ insecurities around class, wealth, and societal status.

• Did your parents encourage you to ask others for help when you needed it?

• Were you raised to believe that people would be happy to assist you in life, or did you think that asking for help was a burden on others?

• Do you remember finding the courage to ask for help early in life? How did that go for you?

• If you didn’t learn to ask for help earlier in life, did you eventually feel more comfortable asking others for assistance?

One thing I’ve noticed about sharing these secrets is that parents have thought about how they taught or influenced their children in these ways. The good news is that it’s never too late. It takes humility and courage to admit that we might have done things better in the past. Perhaps now would be a good time to talk with your child about how you would have done things differently had you known what you now know.

• Did you encourage your child to ask for help in life?

• Did your actions speak louder than words? How did your example influence your child to ask for help (or not ask for help)?

Thinking about our relationship with “asking for help” throughout our lives can teach us a lot about ourselves.

• Did you feel that asking for help showed a weakness?

• Did you feel deserving of help (feel worthy of receiving help)?

• When did you first recognize that asking for help gave you a leg up on life?

The other side of asking for help is giving help. You should feel good about the assistance you have given others during your life, and now is a great time to acknowledge yourself for doing it.

• Who have you helped during your life?

• Did you offer advice to anyone?

• Did you use your connections to help someone?

• Did you call in a favor to help someone you barely knew?

• Have you ever shared what you learned about your business, field of expertise, or parenthood with someone who could benefit from your experiences and wisdom?

It’s never too late to help others.

• How might you help another person today with what you’ve learned, connections you’ve made, or even resources you have that could give someone a boost in life?

This third secret to a joyful, successful, and fulfilling life is a helpful prompt to get you thinking about asking for help in your life. I’d love to hear from you in the comments about what this piece brought up for you. Thanks in advance for sharing with me and others. Your comments extend my articles because they help others think of new examples and possibilities concerning each subject.

With love and warm wishes to you,
Bob

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of Answers about the Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and creator of the top directory of psychics, mediums, and animal communicators, BestPsychicDirectory.com. This is Bob Olson Connect, where you can read Bob’s articles before they become books.