Hi Bob - 1) I’m sorry you endured suicidal depression; I am so glad you are still here and that you have grown from what you learned. Those who complete suicide don’t realize, at the time, how much they are loved and needed. 2) Thank you and Melissa for this thoughtful, helpful letter. It would have helped me a lot after my son, Ben, took his life in 2002. It will help others, too. I worked in an outreach capacity several years after Ben passed. Me and another person (with mental health credentials) would visit new survivors (of suicide) to inform them of resources in the community to help them with their grief. I was there as proof someone can survive such a tragedy and the other person was there to assess survivors (to make sure they were not suicidal themselves). I’ll never forget one grief-stricken mother, at the end of our visit, grabbed my hand and asked me, with pleading eyes, “Is my son in heaven?” Your letter will ease that burden for those like her (my answer was “Yes, he is”). 3) I want to share a surprising and different look at suicide, from my experience. As I’ve mentioned in prior comments, my son, Ben, was 17 years old and had been suffering from a severe and acute onset of mental illness. His normally genial personality vanished. He was chaotic and, frequently, had dangerous & violent thoughts. He never hurt anyone, thankfully, but he wrote, drew and talked about it. He was hospitalized several weeks before he took his life and was treated cautiously by staff, who considered him dangerous. Ben really struggled with this illness and seeing him suffer was almost as hard as losing him to suicide. Following his death, I had a lot of help, from various sources, in my grief and that included finding a good medium I talked with about every 6 months for a few years. I was new to the metaphysical world and I’m forever grateful for the peace I found (dream visits from Ben helped!) About 8 years after Ben passed, I read a book by a male medium and scheduled a reading. He told me something that was really different than anything I’d heard before: he said that Ben was actually heroic in his actions. Had he lived, this medium said, he would have harmed (fatally, maybe) others and, maybe even, me. His illness was getting worse. He said Ben used the last vestiges of himself to end his life, rather than succumb to his illness. Ben came here to experience being ill and it was part of a shared contract with me/our family, but it didn’t involve him harming others. The medium said Ben’s suicide was like a soldier jumping on a grenade to save others. I have thought a lot about this. It rang true, to me, regarding Ben’s suicide, and gave me another perspective. I thought I would share this with you because being heroic is not often associated with suicide.
Thank you Bob for this well written article. It covers everything a suicide spirit would want to convey to their loved ones. I'm glad none of my loved ones ended their life, yet I've witnessed the pain of others as they struggle to make sense of thier loved one ending his or her life. This is another awesome article, so happy you wrote it and I read it.
Wow, Bob! This is an extraordinary piece of writing! Thankfully, I haven't lost anyone to suicide, but I have suffered from depression most of my life and would be lying if I said I've never had those thoughts during really low points. I'm sure your letter will provide comfort and peace to many people. Bless you!
That was such a phenomenal & well thought out letter. I do not know or rather have anyone close to me who has committed suicide, but I’m sure for anyone out there who has, it will bring great comfort. Thank you for your knowledge & great insight.. It’s extremely important, & I’m sure there are many who will find solace from how u put it altogether. I too have learned so much about our transition, the afterlife, or heaven- whatever a person wants to call it. And although I won’t really know the depth of what the other side is truly like until I leave this earth, I do picture it pretty much the way u described it. Thanks for a very interesting topic & letter.
PS to the note I wrote earlier I would like to say that I have had some discomfort in the remaining stigma about suicide & wish the public at large would be less judgmental about it!!
On the other hand I will be celebrating 40 yrs of sobriety next month (have certainly not done it alone!!) but have NEVER felt any discomfort in telling people that I was a recovering alcoholic because # 1 it was such a relief to know what was wrong (I thought the alcoholic was only the guy in the gutter) & fortunately I also believed that if I didn;t mind having people see me making a fool out of myself, then why would I mind telling them about the best thing I ever did for myself (other than becoming a MOM!!). & hopefully the more people I tell the more people know who they might talk to about their own or others' problems!!
Dear Bob & Melissa Thank you once again for sharing your vast learnings about the afterlife!! Your book helped me tremendously when my son suicided almost 8 yrs ago and your news letters touch many a curious bone!!
Just to share a little different slant on the suicider, I knew that my son no longer wanted to stay in this world as his life had done a total reverse of the active, adventuresome, bigger than life personality that he had been prior to debilitating back problems,. We had discussed our mutual belief in euthanation when there was no hope for relief. He had asked me to help him kill himself at one time. Knowing the why's of his decision didn't make the pain of his loss any easier as far as I know BUT it did make me grateful to have the answers that so very many folks in the suicide survivor's grief groups that I went to did not have. I was not mad at him at any time for quitting. I have actually come to admire him for having had the guts to get out when he had no more hope to return to a "normal" life despite the fact that there may be some who could have accepted the compromises.
I have had numerous visits w/a medium where my son told me so many things that no one else could have known and the comfort that these visitations brought me are something I would wish everyone in this world w/a loss would believe & avail theirself to!!!
In closing thank you again for your great work & you are welcome to share or ask me questions about my experience,
Hi Bob - 1) I’m sorry you endured suicidal depression; I am so glad you are still here and that you have grown from what you learned. Those who complete suicide don’t realize, at the time, how much they are loved and needed. 2) Thank you and Melissa for this thoughtful, helpful letter. It would have helped me a lot after my son, Ben, took his life in 2002. It will help others, too. I worked in an outreach capacity several years after Ben passed. Me and another person (with mental health credentials) would visit new survivors (of suicide) to inform them of resources in the community to help them with their grief. I was there as proof someone can survive such a tragedy and the other person was there to assess survivors (to make sure they were not suicidal themselves). I’ll never forget one grief-stricken mother, at the end of our visit, grabbed my hand and asked me, with pleading eyes, “Is my son in heaven?” Your letter will ease that burden for those like her (my answer was “Yes, he is”). 3) I want to share a surprising and different look at suicide, from my experience. As I’ve mentioned in prior comments, my son, Ben, was 17 years old and had been suffering from a severe and acute onset of mental illness. His normally genial personality vanished. He was chaotic and, frequently, had dangerous & violent thoughts. He never hurt anyone, thankfully, but he wrote, drew and talked about it. He was hospitalized several weeks before he took his life and was treated cautiously by staff, who considered him dangerous. Ben really struggled with this illness and seeing him suffer was almost as hard as losing him to suicide. Following his death, I had a lot of help, from various sources, in my grief and that included finding a good medium I talked with about every 6 months for a few years. I was new to the metaphysical world and I’m forever grateful for the peace I found (dream visits from Ben helped!) About 8 years after Ben passed, I read a book by a male medium and scheduled a reading. He told me something that was really different than anything I’d heard before: he said that Ben was actually heroic in his actions. Had he lived, this medium said, he would have harmed (fatally, maybe) others and, maybe even, me. His illness was getting worse. He said Ben used the last vestiges of himself to end his life, rather than succumb to his illness. Ben came here to experience being ill and it was part of a shared contract with me/our family, but it didn’t involve him harming others. The medium said Ben’s suicide was like a soldier jumping on a grenade to save others. I have thought a lot about this. It rang true, to me, regarding Ben’s suicide, and gave me another perspective. I thought I would share this with you because being heroic is not often associated with suicide.
Thank you Bob for this well written article. It covers everything a suicide spirit would want to convey to their loved ones. I'm glad none of my loved ones ended their life, yet I've witnessed the pain of others as they struggle to make sense of thier loved one ending his or her life. This is another awesome article, so happy you wrote it and I read it.
Joan
Wow, Bob! This is an extraordinary piece of writing! Thankfully, I haven't lost anyone to suicide, but I have suffered from depression most of my life and would be lying if I said I've never had those thoughts during really low points. I'm sure your letter will provide comfort and peace to many people. Bless you!
Hi Bob-
That was such a phenomenal & well thought out letter. I do not know or rather have anyone close to me who has committed suicide, but I’m sure for anyone out there who has, it will bring great comfort. Thank you for your knowledge & great insight.. It’s extremely important, & I’m sure there are many who will find solace from how u put it altogether. I too have learned so much about our transition, the afterlife, or heaven- whatever a person wants to call it. And although I won’t really know the depth of what the other side is truly like until I leave this earth, I do picture it pretty much the way u described it. Thanks for a very interesting topic & letter.
PS to the note I wrote earlier I would like to say that I have had some discomfort in the remaining stigma about suicide & wish the public at large would be less judgmental about it!!
On the other hand I will be celebrating 40 yrs of sobriety next month (have certainly not done it alone!!) but have NEVER felt any discomfort in telling people that I was a recovering alcoholic because # 1 it was such a relief to know what was wrong (I thought the alcoholic was only the guy in the gutter) & fortunately I also believed that if I didn;t mind having people see me making a fool out of myself, then why would I mind telling them about the best thing I ever did for myself (other than becoming a MOM!!). & hopefully the more people I tell the more people know who they might talk to about their own or others' problems!!
Dear Bob & Melissa Thank you once again for sharing your vast learnings about the afterlife!! Your book helped me tremendously when my son suicided almost 8 yrs ago and your news letters touch many a curious bone!!
Just to share a little different slant on the suicider, I knew that my son no longer wanted to stay in this world as his life had done a total reverse of the active, adventuresome, bigger than life personality that he had been prior to debilitating back problems,. We had discussed our mutual belief in euthanation when there was no hope for relief. He had asked me to help him kill himself at one time. Knowing the why's of his decision didn't make the pain of his loss any easier as far as I know BUT it did make me grateful to have the answers that so very many folks in the suicide survivor's grief groups that I went to did not have. I was not mad at him at any time for quitting. I have actually come to admire him for having had the guts to get out when he had no more hope to return to a "normal" life despite the fact that there may be some who could have accepted the compromises.
I have had numerous visits w/a medium where my son told me so many things that no one else could have known and the comfort that these visitations brought me are something I would wish everyone in this world w/a loss would believe & avail theirself to!!!
In closing thank you again for your great work & you are welcome to share or ask me questions about my experience,