Why Did My Deceased Loved One Visit Her Dream Instead of Mine?

Reasons why your sibling, child, or friend had a dream visitation instead of you.

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV and author of Answers About The Afterlife, Insight from Hindsight, and The Magic Mala. He’s also the founder of the top directory of reputable psychics and mediums, BestPsychicDirectory.com.

Photo by Maeghan Smulders on Unsplash

This week, I will answer a common question about dream visitations: Why did my deceased loved one visit my sibling/child/friend in their dream and not me?

Tammy, a follower of my work, asked this question, wondering why her ex-husband came to her son and daughter instead of her. She wondered if it was because she and her husband were divorced, even though they still loved each other.

Dream visitations occur when a deceased loved one (now in spirit) visits us while we dream. In most cases, we dream that we’re in a room with the deceased. Sometimes, it’s the room we’re sleeping in, but often, we’re in a different location. Usually, we’re merely conversing with our loved ones, but sometimes, they show us a scene to teach us something.

In the typical dream visit, we talk with our deceased loved ones and can see they’re okay. They often tell us that they’re happy, at peace, watching over us, and loving us from the spiritual realm. These dreams are poignant, comforting, and reassuring experiences, and we tend to recall them decades later as if they occurred the night before.

Tammy’s Question About Dream Visitations

“Hi, Bob. My name is Tammy, and my story is about my ex-husband, who, at the age of forty-nine, died of a massive heart attack in his sleep. That was unfortunate enough, but my son, nineteen years old at the time, was the one who found him. It was very traumatic for all of us involved, and we still struggle with it to this day.

“My son has told me that his dad has come to him in a dream state. Our daughter has also had dreams of him trying to comfort her and let her know he’s around.

“I talk to him and think about him every day. I had eighteen years with the man and two children. Regardless of a divorce, there’s a connection.

“He doesn’t come to me in dreams and hasn’t ever come to me in a dream, and I wonder, is it because we got divorced that he doesn’t? Because, again, I talk to him and ask, ‘Please come to me and just let me know that you’re okay. I’d love to know, just to reassure the kids and myself, that you’ve made it and you’re happy.’ And again, he hasn’t.

“I don’t know if I want it too badly or what the reason is, but I would give anything to have a dream visitation, to know that he’s made it okay, and to have confirmation that he’s there. Thank you for your time.”

My Response to Tammy’s Question

Thank you, Tammy, for sharing your story, relaying that your son and daughter have had dream visitations, and asking why your ex-husband hasn’t come to you. Let me begin by saying I’m sincerely sorry for your loss.

There are several reasons why people in spirit don’t visit us in our dreams following their passing. I certainly understand why this may feel personal since your loved one has visited the dreams of other family members, but there might be a good reason for it. Let me begin by discussing dream visitations in general.

There’s no guarantee that your loved one in spirit will visit you in a dream, but you can always request it. Pray to your loved one and ask that person to come to you while dreaming. It might happen if they know you’re open to it and can handle it.

In your case, Tammy, I know you’ve already done that. Let’s discuss some common reasons why people don’t have dream visitations. One of these might directly apply to you.

SKEPTICISM

Most people would like a dream visitation, but some are skeptical. Skepticism can ward off dream visitations simply because you don’t believe it’s real or don’t believe it can happen to you.

Have you ever looked all over your house for your car keys and didn’t find them, so you retraced your steps to discover they were in the first spot you looked? Many people have had this experience, and it happens because they didn’t believe their keys would be in that spot, so they never saw them. This is the power of skepticism.

Even if you believe dream visitations are real, you might be skeptical that you can have one. I felt this way about my first past-life regression. I did not doubt that other people could recall past lives; I simply didn’t believe I could. Consequently, it took the regressionist twice as long to get me there. Fortunately for me, she never gave up and persisted until I had a past-life experience that changed my life forever.

Tammy, you don’t seem skeptical about dream visitations in general, but perhaps you don’t feel deserving or worthy of the experience. It’s something to consider. I will tell you that everyone is deserving and worthy of this experience. So, this is a side to dream visitations you might want to ponder.

FEAR

Your loved ones in spirit also know if you might be scared by the experience. If your deceased loved one knows it might freak you out, they aren’t going to do that to you.

Again, Tammy, I don’t think the fear of dream visitations is a factor in your case, but you might be slightly fearful of what your ex-husband might say to you. Let me assure you that our loved ones in spirit do not carry their human resentments or anger into the spirit world. Yet, if you are concerned that he might say something to you in a dream visitation that would be difficult for you to hear, this alone could discourage the dream visitation.

NEED

It’s not easy for spirits to show up in your dreams. Some spirits are better at it than others. Some might need to enlist the assistance of other spirits to make it happen. It also might require a lot of energy to show up in your dream. Consequently, spirits may save dream visitations for those who really need the experience.

If your beliefs are such that you already know your deceased loved one is okay, that spirit doesn’t need to endure the extra effort to appear in your dream. They know what you know. They know you’ve learned a lot about spirits and the afterlife, which helps them determine if you’re a good candidate for a dream visitation.

On the other hand, if they don’t think the dream visitation will be convincing to you, it might not be worth their effort. For example, your son and daughter both had visits from their father, yet you mention that it would be helpful to “all” of you if you had one. This might indicate that this type of spiritual experience might not provide you with what you need to convince you that your husband is at peace in the spirit world.

ABILITY

On the other hand, some people dream differently than others. For instance, I rarely ever remember my dreams, so it might be a big waste of time for one of my loved ones in spirit to visit me that way. Thus, determining who gets a dream visitation and who doesn’t might depend on our dreaming abilities. Some of us might not dream appropriately for a dream visitation to be possible.

Even if you recall your dreams, Tammy, you may not sleep deeply enough to have a dream visitation. Your brain may not function optimally for this experience. For instance, you might be taking medication that impedes it. The issue might be more of a physical issue than a choice of your loved one in spirit.

YOUR SPIRITUAL PATH

Finally, because the purpose of life is experience, having a dream visitation might not be an experience your soul wants you to have. Every experience we have could lead us in a new direction.

If your soul knows you are more likely to stay on the path intended for your life by not having the dream visitation, it won’t allow it because it’s not in your best interest to experience one. On the other hand, if having a dream visitation is an experience that will benefit your life’s plan, then the possibility of having one is much greater.

From this perspective, if your loved one in spirit isn’t visiting you, you must trust that it’s for your greater good.

This speaks directly to you, Tammy. You said you’d like your ex-husband to visit you in your dream so that you and the kids know he’s okay. I think your children know he’s okay because their father visited them in their dreams. So, let’s focus on what’s best for Tammy.

You want this for you, and knowing you want it is helpful. It’s not selfish to want a dream visitation for yourself. It’s something you feel might comfort your grief. But having the dream visitation might not be an experience your soul wants you to have. Let me explain further.

If someone has a dream visitation, it might give them the confirmation they need that their loved one is okay. That might give them the peace of mind they’re seeking concerning their loss, but sometimes, when we don’t have an experience like that, it leads us to go in other directions. In other words, maybe not having the dream visitation yourself, even though your children have each had one, will encourage you to have an experience with a medium. Perhaps you’ll go for a reading with a medium, and you’ll have this profound experience that could be more beneficial to you than a dream visitation.

Maybe your soul or spirit guides understand that you’re the type of person who will have the dream but then start to question whether it was real. Was it just a dream, meaning your wishful thinking created it? Whereas if you go to a medium who’s a stranger to you and this medium is now relaying details that only your deceased husband would know—memories that you and your husband share that few people in the world even know about—you know this medium is legitimately communicating with your loved one in spirit. That might be more powerful to you than a dream visitation.

On the other side of this question, maybe there’s no way your son would ever go to a medium. Perhaps he has no interest in the things we discuss here on Bob Olson Connect. Yet, this dream visitation is something his father can give him now. Moreover, the dream visitation from his father might stay on his mind for years, eventually leading him to investigate the afterlife further when he gets older. Since your son’s path differs from your own, having the dream visitation might serve the path his soul intended for him.

You’re clearly interested in my work, given that you contacted me. Your interest in the afterlife may be because you haven’t received a dream visitation. This personal inquiry may be leading you to learn more about life after death, to learn more about all the spiritual subjects that we discuss here. That might be what’s best for you and might be why you haven’t had this experience that you’re seeking. Your lack of experience may lead you to spiritual growth and awakening that you might not have experienced if you had a dream visitation.

Final Thoughts on Tammy’s Question

Of course, Tammy, we’re merely speculating here. We don’t know precisely why your son and daughter had a dream visit and you have not. No one ever really knows until we pass and go into the spirit world, viewing things from a higher perspective.

I wouldn’t take it personally that you haven’t had this experience. Look at the glass as half full and be happy that your loved one showed up in anyone’s dream. Your family has had direct contact as evidence that your loved one happily exists in the afterlife. That’s a beautiful gift regardless of who had the dream.

Finally, by trusting that everything happens as it is meant to, you can also trust that you are being guided to have the experiences that are best for your life path. Thanks so much for your question, Tammy. I hope you find what you’re seeking, and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and questions with us.

Thanks for reading this question and answer. If you enjoyed this, feel free to ask your own question(s) in the comments. It might prompt next week’s article.

With love,
Bob

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, the author of Answers about the Afterlife, Insight from Hindsight, and The Magic Mala, and the creator of the most trusted directory of psychics, mediums, animal communicators, and energy healers, BestPsychicDirectory.com.