The Mystical Bridge

8 Ways to Feel Connected to Deceased Loved Ones During Holidays, Anniversaries, and Birthdays.

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of two books, Answers About The Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and creator of the reputable directory of psychics and mediums, BestPsychicDirectory.com.

Photo by Wai Siew on Unsplash

Dear Friend,

Because we feel the absence of our dearly departed loved ones all year through, this week’s posting is more of a letter than an article. I want to talk with you about the importance of memories.

If there’s one thing we learn from aging, it’s the value of memories. Memories are unquestionably magical. The magic exists because memories allow us to relive special moments that survive in our minds, reigniting the feelings of love and connection we once felt at the time of that memory. By thinking of memorable moments in the past, memories act as a bridge that connects the physical and spiritual realms. In other words, thinking about the people we love who have died bridges the gap between us. That’s where the true magic exists.

When a loved one dies, it’s common for family members and friends to reminisce about stories involving the deceased. Even eulogies are often a string of joyful memories about lost loved ones. There’s a mystical quality to memories that is often overlooked. These remembrances may bring a smile to our faces and laughter to our bellies, but they help to connect our spirit to the spirits of our loved ones who have passed.

Holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays have a way of highlighting the void that our deceased loved ones have left in our hearts and lives. I know I’ve been feeling it, which got me thinking about eight simple ways to connect to those we miss.

On the surface, these practices are a way of including deceased loved ones in our celebrations. Rather than remind us of their absence, these practices help us to reconnect with them. Taking it a step further, this bridge we create by remembering loved ones also allows them to connect with us. By reliving our most memorable moments with them, we mystically create a bridge upon which human beings can meet spiritual beings.

In the spirit of drawing our deceased loved ones closer, here are eight simple practices we can apply this year.

Create a Photo Album or Scrapbook

My mother-in-law, Judy, has compiled a three-inch-thick photo album filled with photographic memories of family and friends. Many of these pictures include loved ones who have passed. Every time I look through it, my heart grows three times its size. Joyful memories fill my mind, and I am instantly suspended in time by the scenes depicted.

While this may be the most obvious practice on this list, it’s not something I have yet done. Judy’s memory album has inspired me to pull out the printed photos (remember those?) from the attic and lose myself in the past as I create my own photo album. I encourage you to do the same. How fun might it be to lay out all your printed photos and let family members go through them? Put aside those that people love the most for your photo album, which you can display at your next get-together.

Watch Family Movies from the Past

I was a teenager when VHS video cameras emerged in the 1980s. The cameras were so large that you had to steady them on your shoulder and carry a small VCR recorder with a strap that held the two-hour videotape. I got myself one and became obsessed with recording the gatherings of family and friends. At first, everyone was self-conscious about the large camera pointing their way. Rather quickly, however, people got used to it and interacted with me like I’d always had a camera in front of my face. Consequently, I have years of videotape footage that has preserved precious memories with video and sound.

Melissa and I hosted more holiday parties for her family than I can remember, and each year, as the noise level quieted and the carbohydrates led people to the sofas and chairs, I pulled out the VHS player and began showing videos from days gone by. All I had to do was hit play, and people became transfixed with seeing themselves and loved ones from the 80s and 90s. The family favorites are those that I dubbed with music from those years. For the next couple of hours, people were laughing one moment and wiping tears off their cheeks the next. Still, the highlight was always the video footage of loved ones no longer with us. Seeing their images and hearing their voices is the gift that keeps on giving.

Cook, Bake, or Serve Their Favorite Dish

There’s a reason that nearly every Hallmark holiday movie involves making cookies or a traditional dish. Being in the kitchen cooking or baking is a memorable moment; many people fondly remember this activity with their loved ones. For every family member you have, I’m willing to bet that you can think of a food they either loved to eat, bake, or cook.

My father loved chocolate-covered cherries, which he always got in his stocking. Melissa’s mother always had fresh-baked gingerbread cookies out for Christmas, which I can taste now as I think about them. Melissa’s father used to make a killer holiday punch. My mother used to make Polish cookies covered in powdered sugar, called “chrusciki.” Don’t ask me to pronounce it. And my Aunt Elsie used to make tiny sausages that were slow-cooked in tomato sauce every Christmas, which Melissa still makes for me each year.

Create a Memory Jar

If you’re having people over this year, decorate a jar and place a pencil and pad of paper next to it. Invite people to write a quick memory about a deceased loved one and place it in the jar. At some point during the get-together, read through the memories inside the jar. It’s bound to stir some conversation around loved ones missed.

I’ve never personally seen this idea implemented, but people have told me it often leads to stories about loved ones that some people in attendance never knew.

Visit a Memorable Location or Your Loved One’s Resting Place

If your loved one’s remains were buried in a cemetery, take some time to visit their gravesite this holiday season. While we know your loved one’s spirit isn’t hanging out there in perpetuity, they’ll certainly be there with you when you visit. It’s the gesture and symbolism that matters.

Melissa and I recently went to the White Mountains of New Hampshire and took the time to visit the gravesite of her great-grandmother buried there. Even though we’ve barely had any snow in New England, the mountains had lots of it, which prevented us from visiting her great-grandmother’s gravestone—the cemetery was closed with a big gate. Oh well, it didn’t stop us from talking to her from behind the gate (and behind the veil).

What can be equally as meaningful as a loved one’s resting place is to visit a location that they once loved to go. My father had a favorite coffee shop I still visit whenever I’m in town. My grandmother used to take me to an ice cream shop named Pinecroft Dairy, which makes me feel closer to her whenever I go there. I also have a great memory of my Uncle Duck (his name was Donald) fishing during his lunch breaks. I lived next door to where he worked, so I’d join him whenever I saw him sitting there. I think of him every time I pass that pond.

Bob and Melissa at the White Mountains

Continue Their Traditions

Another way to bring our dearly departed into our holiday celebrations is by continuing their traditions. Whether that be reading a holiday book they loved, watching their favorite movie, eating their favorite dish, or giving money to a charitable organization that was important to them, there are meaningful ways we can carry out their customs and rituals.

My five-year-old cousin who passed loved the Lionel train set around the Christmas tree. Melissa’s father used to buy a Honey Baked Ham every Christmas. My father used to make Swedish glögg (an infused wine recipe) and deliver bottles of it to his friends each year. My high school friend used to watch A Christmas Story every season. And my Uncle Egon loved playing pool in his basement. He was better at shooting pool than everyone, but he purposely let others win every game.

Even if you can’t think of a tradition associated with the person you wish to honor, you can create one. Imagine making a snowman each year to represent your grandfather. How fun might that be to add glasses, bushy eyebrows, or a hat that resembles dear old Grandpa? Or go for a walk to honor your grandmother, who loved nature. You might even recall what she taught you about some of the treasures you find along the hike. Alternatively, you might play a game of Monopoly in your father’s honor because his hard work and financial savvy gave you a comfortable life growing up. It doesn’t matter what tradition you create in someone’s honor. It’s the gesture that counts.

Light a Candle in Their Honor

How meaningful would it be to shop for a unique candle that reminds you of your deceased loved one and leave it burning (safely) during the holiday? Perhaps a tobacco candle would be best because it reminds you of the sweet aroma of your uncle’s pipe. Maybe a candle resembling a birch tree is in order because your aunt loved Robert Frost’s poem, Birches. Whether it be the color, the shape, or the scent that reminds you of the person being honored, lighting candles in people’s honor has been a long-standing tradition. Every time you see it, you’ll be reminded they are in the room with you.

Write Your Loved One a Letter

If you’ve been reading my articles, you know that I recommend talking right out loud to your loved ones in spirit, but not everyone feels comfortable doing that. A meaningful and personal way to communicate with your loved one is the old-fashioned method of putting pen to paper.

Writing a letter allows you to express what you want to say privately. There’s something special about the written word in the form of a letter that makes it personal, heartfelt, and intimate. You can tell them how much they are missed. You can share how much you love them. And you can reminisce about some of your favorite memories with them. Later, if you choose, you can share the letter with someone who might also gain from it. Or keep it in your lockbox to be read by your ancestors after you go home to be with the person to whom you have written.

Final Thoughts

These simple ideas can help us remember our deceased loved ones during holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. I know some people who set a place at the dinner table for them. I have one friend who had a life-sized cardboard cutout made of her father, which they pulled out every holiday season. I’d love to hear about your favorite practices for including loved ones in spirit at your celebrations, even if you do it alone. You can share in the comment section.

Regardless of how you choose to create a mystical bridge, keep in mind that your deceased loved one is with you all year through. You only need to think of them to establish a connection. Anything more you choose to do will only strengthen the bridge.

With love,
Bob & Melissa

Bob Olson is the host of Afterlife TV, author of two books, Answers About The Afterlife and The Magic Mala, and creator of the reputable directory of psychics and mediums, BestPsychicDirectory.com. His newest venture is Bob Olson Connect, where you can read Bob’s articles before they become books.

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